i put new yellow shoelaces on my boots to show people i am Cool. I walk to my work full of old lady cashiers. “I like your shoelaces.” one of them says to me. I see my life flash before my eyes as this ancient test is presented before me
me, a lesbian, mistaking a nice twink for a nice butch lesbian: [gives him the lesbian nod]
him, a twink, mistaking me for a twink: [gives me the gay once over]
me, a sensitive dyke: [calls an uber and spends the whole time misty eyed, wondering why this nice butch would look me over like i wasn’t a HUMAN BEING, like i was something to be gawked at. i ignore my Uber driver’s attempt at small talk, staring out the window and questioning everything i know about life, meaning, and the pursuit of lesbianism]
him, a confused gay: [stares at the space this twink just vacated, completely floored. a nod. does he think this is a game. does he think this is a joke. this isn’t a PTA meeting where you nod at your old friend but also secret enemy Brenda from across the room. was i not even worth the once over. have i lost my game. what does this mean]
More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married
It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve
I want to expound upon “comedians couldn’t get married” thing because it’s actually really interesting.
Satire was respected in Ancient Ireland. It was thought to have great power, enough to physically maim the subject one was making jokes about. Satirists could bring down kings with a witty enough insult. That was actually their original function. When the king didn’t do right by his people, a bard was supposed to compose a poem so scathing it would raise welts on the king’s skin to oust him (it was illegal for a “blemished” king to rule.) Unwarranted satire was considered a form of assault.
So what it boils down to is ancient Celts being like “These people are too dangerous to reproduce. DO NOT TRUST THEM WITH CHILDREN. EVER.”
I wonder if lgbt people’s love for elves is that strong bc it was our only way to play gender nonconfirming characters. Even when we didn’t know that its even a thing.
Some basic fantasy rpg in 2003: theres not much difference between male and female elves physique. Also women can fight and men can have long hair. Not like us normal humans amiright! Wink wonk
10 old me: SLAMS PLAY ELF BUTTON
Additional game theory: many LGBT people in their adult lives switch over to loving dwarves because they are also gender nonconforming but in the less “acceptable” way (Not the tall, skinny, femme-androgynous type society considers the “good” androgyne) and instead explore the more masculine/“low effort” form of GNC (less lithe/More body fat, body hair on femme individuals, loud/unashamed behavior) which we were too insecure to explore in our adolescence
