Aries: The stars say you may find yourself falling from a great height. Remember to tuck and roll.
Taurus: Big change is coming Taurus, be sure to keep a calm and mature head when you are deposed by Catherine the great and the entire army.
Gemini: This week you will be faced with your greatest challenge yet, a twink with massive burn scars.
Cancer: Their freckles are tiny parasites that can rearrange themselves at a moments notice.
Leo: Lie on your back. Watch the stars. You can only take it one night at a time.
Virgo: The weight of the world will crush you into a diamond.
Libra: Drawings of wildflowers that dont exist. Diagrams and advice in a language that nobody speaks. Strewn about your room in impossible places.
Scorpio: A ray of night from the clouds will darken the banks of the river. Look only. Touch nothing.
Ophiuchus: The stars say you know something valuable. You will know the time to share it, it will be worth the wait.
Sagittarius: Romance tends to escalate when its going well. Right now youre at “significant territory dispute.”
Capricorn: Someone will really make an impression at the party tonight when they head into the closet with a cute boy and return painted with thousands of pictures of eyes.
Aquarius: Look, you cant just choose not to be confused. A move is better than no move.
Pisces: Do not be alarmed when a beam of light shoots out of your sternum tomorrow. Or be alarmed, neither one of us has control over that. You’ll be fine.
Normal Horoscope:
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