I usually walk everywhere with my headphones on, but I had them in my bag and I was reading a book on my phone instead (I do that when the foot traffic is light). A young Latina was coming down the street as I was coming up the avenue, and when she got to the corner a few paces ahead of me, she turned to walk in the direction I was going. We were traveling at the same speed, but since she was like ten paces ahead and it’s bright outside in the middle of the day, I didn’t feel the need to fall back or slow down to give her more space. At night, I try not to walk too close behind women just so they don’t feel like I’m any sort of threat.
We got to a corner and this dude standing outside of the bodega was like, “Slow down mama where you goin? You don’t have to work today, you can stop and speak.”
She didn’t break her stride. “I’m going to the gym.” The Walk sign was on, so I didn’t break mine either.
A block later, a young guy was coming toward us on the sidewalk riding his bike.
“What’s good shorty?”
She didn’t respond.
“Well you was lookin, you can say something, stuck up bitch.”
We kept walking.
In the middle of the next block, an older man was walking toward us and he put on a friendly smile and said, “Smile young lady, it’s a beautiful day.”
I don’t know if she smiled, but we kept walking. She went into the gym and I kept on toward where I was going thinking about how that was just five minutes of her day. How many other blocks of five minutes are just like that?
Only one of them was truly aggressive. The other two guys seemed nice enough and it felt more like a pleasant compliment. It felt like the kind of thing a guy says who argues with women online about catcalling. “We’re not all bad guys. We can’t even compliment women? We can’t even say something nice?”
No. You really can’t. I was annoyed in that five minutes and I just happened to be walking behind her with no headphones on. Can you imagine those five minutes over and over every day of your life? Nobody wants to be spoken to by strangers day in and day out forever regardless of what they’re saying.
So no. You can’t say anything. The quality of your life has not decreased because you aren’t allowed to say nice things to strange women on the sidewalk, but your silence greatly increases the quality of hers. So just be quiet, and let her go where she’s going.
The quality of your life has not decreased because you aren’t allowed to
say nice things to strange women on the sidewalk, but your silence
greatly increases the quality of hers. So just be quiet, and let her go
where she’s going.
The quality of your life has not decreased because you aren’t allowed to
say nice things to strange women on the sidewalk, but your silence
greatly increases the quality of hers. So just be quiet, and let her go
where she’s going.
Reminds me of my mom getting remarried several years ago, for about a weekend – dude waited until after the wedding to tell her he expected her at waiting at home with dinner waiting when he finished work.
I dunno, like I get that this version of manhood is “normal” but goddamn is it the most brittle, contemptable fuckin thing
TEAR THEM TO SHREDS. LEAVE THEM BEHIND. LITTLE BOYS DONT GET TO PRETEND TO BE MEN, AND WOMEN ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS DESERVE BETTER.
sketchdump that is months old but I finished coloring just now, whoooops. (oh Sombra’s outfit is inspired by the mv of “Finesse” by Bruno Mars and Cardi B, hell yeah 90s fashion)
Nope! I feel like that’s the automatic response when discussing exclusionary preferences in dating because it’s easier to frame the marginalized person as a vindictive, bitter sadsack who slaps isms and phobias on people to blame everyone else or gaslight and guilt trip people who rejected them into dating. Almost everyone only winds up dating a handful of people they like, or hooking up with them, etc. But if you look at the dozens (hundreds? haha) of people I’ve liked since say age 11, it’s statistically unusual that I have not only never dated anyone, but never kissed anyone and so on. Especially because I’m not passive and have told people I liked them many times and asked them out. Many people on dating apps have told me they don’t date disabled people, react with disgust when they say I’m in a chair, or just flat out stop talking to me when I tell them that I’m disabled.
Even in real life, my friends have told me that they wouldn’t date my other disabled guy friends who were attracted to them because they were too disabled. (Of course you can’t flat out say that, but it was “……..I would never.” with a HEAVY pause lol). Or in my case, people tend not to be attracted to me even if they’ve known me for years because I’m too childlike (an infantile stereotype projected onto disabled folks), my muscle spasticity, my speech patterns, my obvious brain damage, and my care needs. All of these things are directly related to my disability and taken together, create someone romantically undesireable. Basically no one will see me romantically because they can only see me as a cute eternal child or sidekick, and even if it’s a perception that’s out of love or a benign stereotype, it still prevents me from fulfilling my social potential.
So no, it’s not “anyone who won’t date me or any other disabled person is an ableist shitbag who hates disabled people,” it’s “dating is much harder for disabled folks because we as a society consider disability and its assumptions as disqualifying for attraction, romantic feelings, and someone’s potential to be a willing, consenting, and desirable partner.”
also it should be noted that able people shame each other out of dating disabled people with their own stigmas. If you’re an able-bodied or neurotypical person dating someone with a physical or especially mental disability, you’re seen as a predatory creep taking advantage of a childlike person who everyone assumes can’t understand adult relationships or consent. Or the automatic assumption that you have a fetish or are taking advantage of them financially.
im starting a gang and we’re gonna go out and destroy every golf course. rip up all the grass and replace it with native plants and fruit trees and shit. we move at midnight be there or be a casualty of the revolution
I had the WORST fucking nightmare last night that I took a Lyft up a mountain pass in a super dangerous road and my driver was like this super fly 80 year old lady who didn’t give a single fuck and drove recklessly, and I was SCREAMING the entire time that we were gonna die, and at one point she drove off the road straight off a cliff and I thought “THIS IS IT, THIS IS HOW I GO” but she pressed a button and her car fucking TURNED INTO AN AIRPLANE and she was like: “BET YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DIE! NOT TODAY BITCH, NOT TODAY!”
